Myths & Stereotypes
Myths and facts about domestic violence.
In spite of a growing awareness around the issue, domestic violence remains a subject that is steeped in popular myths and prejudices. Many of these arise from a genuine misunderstanding of what domestic violence is, and how it is experienced. Such myths are often at the root of the negative responses abused women receive when they do seek help. They can lead to wrong advice being given and can cause much unnecessary suffering.
Most of the popular stereotypes are not backed up by any research. In many cases, they place blame and responsibility upon the victim of domestic violence, or minimise the experience. It is crucial that those who work for both statutory and voluntary agencies recognise how misleading these myths are.
MYTH
“It’s just an occasional tiff” or “It’s only a domestic”.
TRUTH
• Violence by a man against the woman he lives with commonly includes rape, pulling her hair out, punching, hitting, kicking, cutting and even attempting to strangle her.
• Domestic violence can result in murder.
• The woman may live in continual fear for herself or her children.
• The psychological results of this can be very serious.
MYTH
“Nobody should interfere in domestic affairs” or “It’s not my business.”
TRUTH
• Just because violence happens in the home, this doesn’t make it less serious or severe. A recent British Crime Survey reported that the largest category of assaults was domestic violence and over 80% of these were directed against women.
• People working with women who are experiencing domestic violence need to be mindful of the fact that it is a form of severe bullying and control. The home and family is not a safe haven for everyone. Are women to be unprotected by criminal law simply because the crimes are happening in their own homes?
• Domestic violence is everyone’s business – it can happen to your sister, your friend, your mother or your work colleague. Minding one’s own business can be seen as a form of toleration of domestic violence.
MYTH
“Domestic violence only occurs in poor or ‘problem’ families.”
TRUTH
• Any woman can experience domestic violence, and it occurs in all kinds of families regardless of race, age or class.
• Working class women tend to use refuges more because they often have less access to money or other places to go.
• There is no evidence that domestic violence is more prevalent in any particular social group. Some men are violent towards their female partners simply because we have long lived in a society which tolerates such criminal behaviour.
MYTH
“Only drunks, drug users or ‘macho’ men are perpetrators of domestic violence.”
TRUTH
• All kinds of men commit domestic violence; some may appear to be civilised and charming to outsiders and this is a factor in preventing women from seeking help. Many women fear that they will not be believed.
• Alcohol should never be used as an excuse for domestic violence. It may act as a catalyst or explanation for the violence, and it may be easy for a woman to believe that her partner would not have hit her if he were sober.
• Domestic violence frequently happens without alcohol or drugs being involved.
• Many people who drink or use drugs do not behave abusively
MYTH
“She must ask for it/provoke it/deserve it/enjoy it.”
TRUTH
• This is perhaps one of the most cruel myths about domestic violence.
Nobody asks to be abused – if any form of abuse, regardless of the reasons, were witnessed in the street, people would intervene or call the police very quickly. There is no reason why abuse within the home should be viewed differently.
• Women often blame themselves for domestic violence, but this is because of their own lack of self-esteem and because of society’s attitudes. There is no justification for violence either inside or outside the home.
MYTH
“She can’t be telling the truth” or “It’s just an excuse to get re-housed.”
TRUTH
• Domestic violence is so surrounded by myth and shame, few women would untruthfully claim to be victims. In fact, this is the sort of myth that prevents so many women from seeking outside help.
• Living in a refuge is not an easy option. Many are low-funded and have their limited resources overstretched accommodating women and children. It is unlikely that any woman would make herself and her children homeless unless she was desperate. Inadequate local authority housing resources in some areas mean that it can take up to a year to get re-housed.
• Not all women are accepted as ‘homeless’ or ‘vulnerable’ despite their experience of violence.
MYTH
“Domestic violence is caused by violent backgrounds.”
TRUTH
• Many men who are violent towards their partner come from families with no history of violence.
• Many families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men.
• The family is not the only formative influence on behaviour. There are more general inequalities within the legal, social and economic systems of society as a whole.
• Of course, some men who commit domestic violence may have come from violent backgrounds, but research indicates that this is not inevitably the case.
MYTH
“Some women are addicted to violent or abusive men, and enjoy the violence”
TRUTH
• Some women, often those who have left a violent relationship and are carrying the effects of this, are more vulnerable to relationships with violent men than others.
• It is increasingly recognised by the police that some men present as ‘serial abusers’; that is, they move from one abusing relationship to another, usually seeking out vulnerable women. On this evidence, it is likely that some men could be seen as ‘addicted’ to being violent or abusive towards women.
• This is a myth which overlooks the complex ways in which power and control operate within domestic violence, and more worryingly, undermines the impact and effects on women living with domestic violence. Regardless of how many violent relationships a woman has been in, the violence that is going on now and previously is wrong.
(Adapted from ‘Unhelpful Myths & Stereotypes about Domestic Violence’, WAFE)
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